I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Im sitting here feeling so frustrated with myself. I want to get better but how can I do that if I’m unsure of what is actually wrong with me.
OK so for those of you who don’t know I suffer with some sort of speaking anxiety in certain situations. Here is a list of the things I feel unable to do:
- public speeches
- reading out loud
- playing certain games such as cards against humanities
- speaking in seminars
I’m aware of the anxiety condition that is glossophobia which is a fear of public speaking and although I feel it applies to me, there is something missing. By definition it is the fear of public speaking, however, I can’t even play cards against humanities with friends in a more relaxed environment.
For those reasons, I’ve accepted the possibility that I might be suffering from an acute form of selective mutism. Yes, I can speak in most social situations in informal settings, but I can’t read out loud regardless of the environment and I do feel anxious speaking to people who I haven’t seen in a long time. I even experience anxiety around friends.
I’m just very frustrated with my condition. I haven’t been able to define it as such, it seems to be a unique case and with graduation approaching the prospect of working in a formal environment is daunting to say the least.
All the best.